I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
