So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
