you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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