On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wish my penis had a tongue
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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