i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
