the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
