She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
