yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
