Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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