I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
