I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
