I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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