What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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