I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
