Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
After last night, I could never be a politician.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
