Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm bleeding and have questions
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
