At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
as a side note pls kill me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
