dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
