Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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