we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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