why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
