explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
