Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
