I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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