My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
