I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
