the condom got lost in my hair
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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