I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
