Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
