is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
last night I used snow as a chaser
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
