"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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