at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
