he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
