forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
