Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
