You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
