mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
