I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
