You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
