you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
