i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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