at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
