SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
