Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Houston, we have a blender
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
