if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i will never coherently bang her
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
