i think my tv is drunk
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
