No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
