dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
