I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
