the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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