Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
