how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
