I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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