Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
