I am spending my child support on dildos
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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