I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
