Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
